


A Different Outcome

by inheritancedrottningu



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Case Fic, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Romance, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-07-26
Updated: 2014-03-31
Packaged: 2017-12-21 09:49:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 13,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/898868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inheritancedrottningu/pseuds/inheritancedrottningu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alternate ending to season 7 finale. Hotch and Emily end up having their talk after the wedding party, things take an interesting turn. Rated T to be safe, may or may not change to M later. Will have multiple chapters. Will contain everyone from the team (season 7 and prior). Some parts will be angsty, some will be pure fluff. Will contain cases later. Although it may look like we're saying goodbye to Emily, it won't be for long...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Re-Evaluation

Closing the door behind her, Emily Prentiss flipped the deadlock, before dumping her keys and badge in the bowl by the door. With a sigh, she took off her coat and hung it up, and slowly headed into her apartment. As she went she looked around examining closely the things which symbolised the life she had built – and the things which should have made her feel at home...but didn't. Nothing did anymore. Not since she came back.

That's not right, she thought. Who is she trying to kid? She hadn't felt at home when she was in hiding either. If she was honest with herself, DC hadn't felt like home since the moment Sean told her Doyle was out. The moment her guard went on high alert. And now that she was back, and Doyle was dead, she couldn't keep going on as if nothing happened.

Regardless of when it had started, this place didn't feel right. Something had to change, she couldn't keep living like this, she knew that, she did, she just didn't know what to do. When she went to that property, it had immediately felt like home, but it no longer did and she didn't understand why; which was why Clyde's job offer sounded so appealing.

Getting out of DC, out of America, a fresh start, a chance to build a new life, a new home for herself; maybe it was time to move on from the BAU. But what about the team? Could she really leave them? Not just for a new team, but a new country, a new continent? And what about Hotch? The two had been ignoring their feelings and keeping each other at arm's length because of the Bureaus policies and the chain of command issue. If she quit, then maybe they could give it a try – but not if she left. She had known since her first day that the time to leave the BAU would come sooner or later – and now, six years later, she thought maybe it had.

Deciding to, at least for the time being, put such heavy thoughts out of her head, she snapped back to reality.

"Hey Sergio," she greeted upon seeing her cat, as she bent to pick him up. "Were you good while I was out?" Sergio's only response was to meow affectionately and rub his head against her cheek. Emily chuckled, scratching him under his chin for a moment before she put him down, heading first into her bedroom, where she put her gun into the safe, and then into her bathroom.

There, she combed her hair which was a little windblown from what was supposed to be a thought clearing…long… walk home from the wedding party. Normally, she wouldn't care what her hair looked like, at least not when she wasn't planning anything more than curling up in bed with the TV on, but tonight she wanted something, anything, to distract her.

Going back into the living room, she picked up the envelope containing the letter she had written earlier that day as an attempt to work out what it was she should do about her life – the letter which she was seriously considering handing to her boss first thing Monday morning. The letter the envelope contained was her two weeks' notice of resignation, which would mean goodbye.

Not a decision for tonight, she decided. She'd think about it some more, and then if by Monday she still felt the same, then she would talk to him and maybe give him the letter. Still though she couldn't bring herself to put the letter down, giving in to her brain's inability to think of something, anything, else, she sat there, seemingly frozen.

An hour later she hadn't moved but continued to sit there, contemplating the letter. She had to do it, she decided. No, she didn't just have to, she needed to. She needed to now, before she had a chance to put it off for another case, and then another, and another, in an endless cycle. Better to slip it in his afterhours return rather than face him Monday, and risk losing her nerve. Going to her room she grabbed her gun and then went to the door, put her coat back on, grabbed her keys and badge and walked out locking up behind her.

Walking into the empty bullpen she cursed mentally, when she saw the light in Hotch's office on. Of all the nights he chooses to work late, he had to come back tonight, on a Saturday, for crying out loud. She had thought it would be safe, she left him at the party (which, FYI, hadn't been about to wind down), and besides, he had had Jack with him.

So what was he doing here, she wondered, undecided what her next course of action would be. Unaware of how long she'd been standing there, weighing her options, she had just decided to leave and try again tomorrow night, and so she turned to go, but at that moment, the light in his office turned off, and he stepped out.

Time to go, she thought, he hasn't seen me yet.

Turning she tried to, inconspicuously, hurry out of the room.

"Prentiss," Hotch called down to her.

Not inconspicuous enough, though, she thought when he saw her. Turning, she acted surprised, "Hotch! I didn't expect you to be here this late, not after the party. Where's Jack?"

"Jack and Henry are having a sleepover with Garcia." He answered, coming down the stairs to meet her. "I realised this would be the only time I have this weekend to do any work, and I had nothing better to do. What are you doing here? Surely you don't have any reports that can't wait until Monday?"

"Um… Not a report. I left a file here on a consult that I wanted to review over the weekend," she answered, before cringing mentally at how dull her reply sounded.

"So you came in at 11 o'clock on a Saturday night to get it?" he said, seeing through her act. "What really brought you here this late?"

Just then a janitor came out of the bathroom with a mop in tow, saving her answering.

Waiting until they were alone again, Hotch pressed further "Emily, when you came back, you promised you'd tell me if you were having a bad day."

"You're right Hotch, I have had somewhat of a bad day, but I'm ok," she tried to reassure him, even though she wasn't so sure of that herself.

"You seem like you've been having a lot of bad days lately. Let me help you Emily, you can talk to me about anything. At the party you said you'd be willing to talk so if you're free now, then maybe we should," he suggested, hoping she would let him in.

About to turn him down, she saw the worry on his face and she thought what the hell. Maybe he could help her.


	2. Decision and Desires

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hotch and Emily have the talk mentioned in the season 7 finale.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I just want to assure everyone that although it looks like she is going to leave, it won't turn out that way.
> 
> Sorry for how long this chapter has taken me. I've re-written it about a dozen times but I don't feel like I'm doing them justice, so please let me know what you think by reviewing. I also can't make up my mind about the order of events in this story...
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

 

 

"You were right," Emily started, breaking the silence.

"About what?" he asked. They were sitting in an all night diner, waiting for the waitress to bring their coffess.

"I didn't go to the office for a file," she said quietly.

"So why did you go?" he asked.

"I didn't expect you to be there…" she trailed off, lost in her thoughts.

When he was about to intrude on her thoughts, the waitress arrived with their drinks. Hotch waited until she'd gone before speaking. "Emily?" he prompted. "What were you doing there?"

"I went there to leave something on your desk," she told him honestly, but still lost in her own head. She picked up her spoon and began stirring her coffee, seemingly unaware she was doing it.

When she didn't continue, he asked her, "What are you talking about Emily?"

"I didn't think I could go in to your office Monday, look you in the eye and still be able to go through with it, but if I didn't have to face you as I did it, I thought I could handle that."

Starting to realise, and fearing, where the conversation was going, he needed her to say it.

"Go through with what?"

Entranced with her coffee, she continued staring into the hot drink without replying, almost as though she hadn't heard his question.

"My resignation," she said quietly, just when he thought she wasn't going to answer.

Hotch felt his heart twist when she confirmed his suspicions.

"You want to leave?"

"I don't want to, but I feel like I need to?" she said, but it sounded like a question, and she hated the weakness she heard in her voice. She hated feeling weak, uncertain of her life.

"You promised me you would come to me when you had a bad day."

"I'm here now."

"I know. I also know that everyone has a breaking point Emily, and it's ok if you've reached yours, it doesn't make you weak." He told her, having guessed, correctly, the reason for the despondency on her face. "However, I'm not sure you have reached yours, not definitively. You've been through a lot in the last year, it's understandable that you're feeling overwhelmed."

"I feel like in trying to move forward with my life, I'm actually going backward. Going back to the BAU like nothing ever happened…but it did happen. And now there's a rift between me and the team, and I've tried, heck everyone has tried, to ignore it. As if by pretending it's not there, it really won't be, but that hasn't made it go away."

"Maybe that's it then, we tried to put a band aid on it and go back to like it was before, as though it never happened. We can work this out, as a team. Talk to them, tell them how you feel."

"I don't even know who I am anymore, I'm disconnected from the people I love the most, and it's self inflicted. My life has been a lie, haunted by my past with Doyle. You all got caught up in my baggage and I nearly dragged you all down with me. You all trusted me, trusted me with your lives, and I betrayed that trust. No matter how much I apologise, how much I try to explain my reasoning, I will never deserve forgiveness, from you or the team."

"That's not true Emily. There's nothing for me to forgive. As for the rest of the team, you are already forgiven. You're the one that won't forgive yourself; it wasn't your fault Emily, it was Doyle's, and you deserve to move on with your life and be happy."

"I've tried Aaron, I really have. I came back, I tried to fix things, and I gave everything a chance to settle down."

"Maybe what you need is a break, a chance to step back from it all, and process everything. You could take some time off and go on vacation somewhere?" he offered, knowing even as he said it that it was futile. He recognised the look on her face. She was near her breaking point, he was just glad she was opening up to him, unlike Gideon and Greenaway. He hoped it wasn't too late. "Do that, and maybe in a few months you'll be ready to move forward, with the BAU. We all love you Emily, and we'll do whatever you need us to do to help you through this."

Feeling her eyes starting to water, Emily took a deep breath and looked up.

"What I said before, about how I didn't think I could look you in the eye, I was wrong. I wasn't sure before, I just felt like something had to give, I just wasn't sure what. But I am now. Leaving the BAU, as much as I don't want to leave you guys, it feels like the right thing for me at this point in my life."

"There's really nothing I can do to change your mind?" He asked.

"No, there isn't," she replied.

"Alright then, you're two weeks notice starts now, I'll file the paperwork first thing Monday morning." Catching her eyes he made sure he had her attention before continuing. "Just promise me one thing, promise me that if you change your mind, or you start having doubts, you'll talk to me."

"I will, I promise," she replied with a slight smile, holding his gaze.

"Now, I don't know about you but I could use a drink," she offered.

"Why not, after this coffee it's not like I'm going sleep anytime soon anyway," he replied, flashing a, rare, smile, dimples and all.

Laughing, she agreed and after leaving money on the table they left.

2 hours, and quite a few drinks later, the two of them were sitting at a table at a club the team occasionally frequented. Tipsy as they bother were, Emily decided to test her push her luck with her usually no-nonsense boss. Standing, she grabbed his arm and after her.

"Where are we going?"

"You are taking me dancing," she replied, a sparkle in her eye.

"I am, am I?" he asked, "I don't know, it's getting late," he teased her.

Seeing the pout on her face, he laughed. "Oh, alright." He agreed. "Just don't tell Rossi." He paused. "Or Morgan," he added.

Emily laughed at the look of concentration on his face.

"On second thought, better make that anyone we work with," he informed her.

"My lips are sealed," she assured him.

"Good. I can't have it getting out that I know how to have fun. I have a reputation to maintain." He said smiling.

He was doing that a lot tonight, she realised. It suits him, she thought. He really should smile more often.

"Mmm," she agreed, "can't have that can we? It might bring about the end of the world."

Laughing he let her lead him onto the dance floor.

Placing his hands on her hips he pulled her close, careful not to get so close as to make it uncomfortable. "This ok?" he asked her.

"No," she said. The alcohol in her system making her braver than she would be sober, she looked into his eyes as she stepped closer to him, so close as to be provocative. "This is much better," she informed him, "don't you think?"

Rather than reply he decided to follow her lead, bringing one hand up under her chin, tilting her head back. Leaning down slightly he kissed her, slowly at first, giving her the chance to pull away. When she didn't pull away but returned and deepened his kiss, he pulled her body flush against his.

From there things grew heated quickly and she moved her hands around his neck, running her fingers through his hair. They had almost forgotten where they were when the song changing brought them back to reality.

"Do you want to get out of here?" he asked her, the look in his eyes leaving her with no doubt whatsoever what he had in mind.

"Absolutely," she replied.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This still isn't as good as I would have liked, however after about two months of re-writing I figured this was as good as it was going to get.
> 
> I said it at the start but I want to say it again, although it looks like she's leaving for good, she isn't, she just hasn't realized that yet so please just bear with me. This is still just the lead up and it will continue to be so for awhile until I get her through this stage.


	3. Taking Advantage of the Time We Have

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next day...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is much appreciated!

Sunday morning

So used to early mornings Hotch's internal alarm clock woke him just after 7. When he opened his eyes he was surprised for a moment that he wasn't in his apartment. Looking down he saw Emily was still asleep, and lay sideways, naked except for the sheets, using him as a pillow. The sight of her brought the events of last night to the forefront of his mind. The angst-ridden Emily who'd given him her notice of resignation, then the fun-loving Emily who took him to a bar, then the out-going Emily he'd danced with, and who he left with, and then danced with some more, in a fashion.

Hotch lay there for a while, smiling down at the sleeping form, enjoying the moment. He'd finally slept with the woman for whom he had spent year's supressing his feelings for, and now she lay half on top of him, skin on skin, and her hair gently tousled from sleep, after a night of passion.

Smiling as he remembered, Hotch ran his hands over her body, one down her back, the other stroking her shoulder softly, loving the feel of her skin. Leaning his head down, he placed a kiss to the side of her head.

Not wanting to risk waking her, Hotch remained in his position, his hands continuing to stroke softly. It was a good half hour before she started to stir. Enjoying the feel of his hands tracing patterns aimlessly across her back, she remained still, reluctant to wake up properly.

After dozing some more she decided it was to wake up. Stretching slightly she rolled back off him slightly and opened her eyes. "Most women would find that creepy," she remarked, referring to his watching her as she slept.

"I couldn't help it. I never thought that I would ever be with you like this," he replied, softly. "Our jobs were always in the way."

"They aren't anymore," she replied. "Well, technically they are, for the next two weeks at least," she corrected herself.

"What about after these two weeks? Are you going to England?" he asked her.

"I don't know yet Hotch. That's a big decision, one I'm not comfortable making yet."

Hotch felt something inside him tighten at the thought of losing her after he only just got her. "Emily, I -," he tried to say.

"I know Aaron," she interrupted, "but before this conversation goes any further, you need to know – I am seriously considering accepting the London offer, and even if I don't I want to get away from here, maybe visit my mother and try to fix things with her, either way… I can't commit, Aaron… not now, at least…" she trailed off.

"All the more reason to take advantage of the time we have," he replied, looking her in the eye.

"Are you sure that's what you want? You aren't worried it will make saying goodbye harder?" she asked him, not because she didn't want it, quite the opposite, but because she wanted to be sure that he knew what he was getting into.

"Yeah, I'm sure. A few weeks is more than I thought I would ever have with you," he told her. "I'm not denying it will be hard, even now, after only a night, I can't stand the thought of losing you, but I want to take advantage of the next two weeks. Only if that's what you want, I understand if you'd rather not get any closer to me just to say goodbye…"

Relieved, Emily smiled, leaning forward she pushed him back down on the bed and kissed him. "That's what I want too," she told him, "I just wanted to be sure that you're sure."

"Trust me sweetheart, I'm sure," he told her. Pulling her to his chest he rolled them over so he was above her and leaned down, kissing her senseless.

They continued until they had to surface for air at which point Emily glanced over to her clock. The clock read half past eight. "What time do you have to get Jack?" she asked, wondering if they had enough time to continue.

"Hmm?" he murmered. Having lost access to her mouth he had continued to kiss down her body. Placing one last kiss to the inside of her elbow he cam back up to face level. "Not until 10," he replied.

"So we have time for a quickie before you have to leave?" she asked raising an eyebrow.

"I think that can be arranged," he told her, laughing at the look in her eye. The same look he remembered seeing last night, the one which told him her intentions would be mind-blowing.

After they were done Emily remained lying prone in bed while he showered, still recovering from their last round; good quarter of an hour later and her strength had still not returned, leaving her with little choice but to lie there like the puddle of goo she felt she resembled.

She must have fallen asleep lying there because next thing she knew Hotch was back, climbing back in beside her and stroking her hair softly.

"What are you doing? Don't you have to get Jack?" Emily asked him, confused as to why he wasn't getting dressed.

"Garcia called me while you were napping. She's looking after Henry for the rest of the day and they were planning on going to the zoo and the aquarium, she wanted to know if she could keep Jack until tonight and take him too," he informed her.

"And of course you said yes," Emily teased, snuggling into his arms, she kissed his throat.

Laughing he played along, "I could hardly say 'no', Jack sounded so excited."

"Mm, I'm pretty excited too," she agreed.

"Already?!" he asked. 'You're insatiable! Have you even recovered from the last time?"

"It's not my fault that you're so good in bed!" she exclaimed.

"Well, we have all day so there's no rush if you'd rather sleep a couple more hours before the next round?" he offered.

Eyeing him, "All day, huh," she confirmed.

"All day. I'm picking Jack up at 5," he informed her. "I was thinking, if you don't have plans and you're not sick of my company the three of us could go out for dinner," he suggested. "Just as friends," he clarified. "I don't want Jack to know more than that when this isn't long-term."

"I fully understand that," she said, "and I would love to go to dinner with the two of you."

"It won't be anything fancy," he warned her, "Jack's too young to appreciate anything much more extravagant then spaghetti bolognaise."

Sitting up suddenly, she turned on him playfully. "Hey! Spaghetti bolognaise is one of my favourite foods!" she said, mock serious. "What exactly are you implying, mister?"

Laughing as she tried, and failed, to scowl at him, he backtracked. "Nothing! I assure you I was not trying to belittle spaghetti, I too happen to like it," he informed her honestly, opening his arms for her to lay back down.

She continued to eye him suspiciously for a few seconds before nodding, seemingly satisfied with his response. Emily lay back down, letting him wrap his arms around her, and placed her head on his chest having already decided he made a good pillow.

Within minutes she was sound asleep and he followed not long after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Please let me know what you thought by reviewing!
> 
> I am also looking for a beta reader, so if you are interested or you know anyone who might be, please PM me!


	4. To Boise We Go

  
_"No matter how dark the moment, love and hope are always possible._ " – George Chakkiris

* * *

 

Monday morning

Approaching his office door, Emily knocked. "Here early, as requested," she said.

"Emily-" he stopped "Prentiss," he corrected himself. "Sorry, this is why I asked you to come in early," he told her when she smiled at his fumble. "I thought we should talk, set some ground rules, before everyone else comes in, seeing as we didn't quite get around to it yesterday," he said, smirking.

"I agree," she told him. "I don't think it's that big a deal if you use my first name, however. After all, it's not like you don't call the others by their first names."

"Good, because calling you Prentiss after this weekend seems rather sleazy," he said, smiling in relief. "Other than that though, I don't think anything else should change. We need to remain professional at work,"

"That sounds reasonable - nothing personal while we're on duty," she agreed.

"I much as I don't want to say it that should probably also apply to hotels and such when we're on cases," he said.

"Dang it! There goes my plan to seduce you!" she said, mock serious.

A knock on Hotch's office door prevented him replying.

"Sorry to interrupt but, we have a case," Jenifer Jareau informed them.

"Alright, tell the team we meet in the conference room in 3 minutes," Hotch replied.

"Yes, sir," she said, leaving his office and closing the door behind her.

"Alright, JJ," Hotch said, as the last member of the team, Reid, arrived, looking flustered and juggling his bag, coffee and tablet.

"Ok, so, over the last two months in Boise, Idaho, 5 women have been abducted and raped, and until now were found alive, gagged and blindfolded, in cheap motels," JJ started, bringing up crime scene photos on the flat screen.

"Approximately 85 percent of all rapes are perpetrated by an acquaintance of the victim. The other 15 percent are committed by strangers," Reid quoted.

With no more than a nod in acknowledgement, JJ continued, "The first victim was Rachel Hollis, 21, abducted exactly seven weeks ago, the second, Monica Eden, 20, four weeks ago, the third Samantha Vermont, also 20, two weeks ago, the fourth Jessica Fields, 19, was abducted 8 days ago, she was the first victim the UNSUB killed. Her body was found yesterday, and the medical examiner believes she'd only been dead a few hours. Boise PD is calling us in after Veronica Giles, 17, was reported missing this morning by a friend. The friend was with Veronica at a club last night when she went missing. They were using fake IDs and she didn't want to get either of them in trouble so she waited until now to file a missing persons report."

"What makes Boise PD think she's our UNSUB's next victim?" Morgan asked.

"A few reasons, the first being she fits the UNSUB's victim type perfectly – shoulder length brownish red hair, blue eyes, average height and slim. She doesn't fit the age previously shown to be preferred by our UNSUB, but that could be attributed to the fact that her ID said she was 22…"

"It could also be that the UNSUB saw her to be younger than she claimed and it gave him the opportunity he hadn't previously had – a chance to go after what he really wants," Morgan suggested.

"All the previous victims are only just past adolescence, and Veronica is an adolescent; this suggests that we're dealing with a paraphilia" Reid said.

"I'm sorry - a what?" Garcia asked.

"You don't want to know…" JJ said.

"Someone who is attracted to teenage girls," Rossi told her.

"Oh…" she said, her mouth making an 'o' as her look turned to one of horror.

"So it could be that until now he hasn't had the opportunity to go after younger victims," Hotch said.

"JJ, is there anything else that makes Boise PD think it's the same guy," Morgan asked.

"Yes, the latest victim, Veronica, disappeared under similar circumstances as all the others, she was at a club with friends, all under 21, all using fake IDs, disappeared from right in front of them, and none of them saw her leave with anyone," JJ answered. "Each of the women are found after having sustained an increasing amount of violence and bodily harm. The first woman, Rachel, had bruises on her arms where he held her down, the second, Monica, also had bruises on her left cheek and –"

"Wait, JJ, her left cheek – that would imply that our UNSUB is left-handed," Morgan interrupted.

"Statistically, only 15 percent of people are left-handed, with males being twice as likely to be left-handed than females," Reid offered.

"Yeah kid, that's my point – that should really help to narrow down our suspect pool," Morgan explained.

"Actually, that doesn't really narrow it down at all, as it still leaves 1,046,060,765 people in the world, 46,738,788 in the US, and 31,522 people in Idaho," he said, matter-of-fact. "Did you know, studies have shown that left-handed people are three times as likely to become alcoholics? They also generally have a lower life expectancy than right-handed people." Without waiting for an answer he continued, "Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do," he informed them.

"No, Reid, I'm quite sure none of us knew that," Emily said indulgently, pursing her lips to avoid laughing when Morgan, who was sitting beside her, added under his breath to her, "and none of us wanted to either."

Reid, not hearing Morgan's comment, took that as encouragement and continued, "Oh, well, then you should know that they generally also have higher IQ's than right-handed people and–".

"Ok, thankyou Reid, but I think that's enough," Hotch instructed, stopping him from going on to list every statistic ever recorded on the subject, "JJ, if you would continue."

"As I was saying, the first victim had bruises on her left cheek, as well as heavy bruising to her arms and a black eye, the second had a split lip, black eye and two broken fingers, and the third a broken nose, one broken rib, more bruised ribs, and a dislocated shoulder."

"So he's definitely escalating, not just in frequency but also ferocity," Rossi said.

"That's not all: while he was raping them he apologised when he hurt them and after he was done he asked them how he did," JJ said, disturbed.

"So he has a script," Rossi said.

"Interviews with the earlier victims revealed he also made them ask for it, and say that they wanted him," JJ said.

"The stressor could be a girlfriend or lover who rejected him or made him feel inadequate," Prentiss said, "now he wants to feel in control."

"The UNSUB definitely has some form of narcissistic personality disorder," Reid agreed.

"It sounds like we're dealing with a Power Reassurance rapist," Morgan said.

"How many different types are there?" Garcia asked, not entirely sure she wanted to know the answer.

"Four," Reid answered. "The most common, at 70 percent, being Power Reassurance rapists, followed by Power Assertive rapists, 25 percent, Anger Retaliatory or Excitation rapists, 3-5 percent, and Sadistic rapists, 1-3 percent," he continued. "If you want, I can tell you the diff–," he said, before she interrupted.

"No, no. That's ok Reid, I get the idea," she inserted hastily, having decided she really did not want to know.

At her obvious regret for having asked, and Reid's obliviousness, Rossi, Morgan and Prentiss all chuckled, JJ hid her smile behind her hand, and even Hotch struggled to contain his amusement.

"If that's true, it means he could be building up to the girl he really wants to kill," Hotch said.

"And given his MO, Veronica is probably still alive," Rossi said.

"Alright, wheels up in an hour," Hotch ordered.

* * *

  
_"Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He is the only one who inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it._ " – Mark Twain

* * *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I have never attempted to write a casefic before so please let me know what you thought!


	5. The Digital Age

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: From personal experience I find I usually get bored reading really long case fics so instead of having it play out live, I'm giving you a recap.
> 
> As always, feedback is much appreciated!

**Chapter 5: The Digital Age**

They went straight to work when they landed in Boise, Idaho. First three days there didn’t turn up many leads, however on the fourth day they caught a major break. A group of people at the club the third victim, Samantha Vermont, was abducted from had been taking photos the whole night. After seeing her picture on the news they realised she was in the background of some of their photos. They called the information hotline and turned the phone in. The photos revealed Samantha being approached by a man on her return, seemingly, from the bathroom. The footage only showed the UNSUB from the back. The photos showed the two heading in the direction of a side door which opens onto an alley.

Following this, JJ held a press conference asking anyone who had been present at the various clubs on the nights the respective victims were abducted and who had photos or video footage, to contact them.

The footage turned over was first scanned for the victim’s faces, then if they were present, scanned for anyone who could be a match for the person in the original photos.

From the footage turned over Garcia was able to make a composite sketch of the suspect, which JJ released to the public asking anyone who could ID him to come forward. A few hours after the broadcast they received a call from someone claiming to be the employer of their suspect. He identified the suspect as one Patrick Simmons.

A closure look at Mr Simmons revealed that he fit their profile perfectly. Further digging into him electronically put him in or near the vicinity of each abduction on each of the nights in question. This included a phone call made from his cell, a bar tab paid by credit card, traffic violation for running a stop sign.

Garcia pulled his credit card history, but it revealed nothing about where he and Veronica could be. She dug further and was able to trace a series of large cash withdrawals, presumably to pay for the motels, and from their got the location of the most recent – this combined with the comfort zone they had already calculated based on the abduction sites and the motels, left three possible motels in the immediate vicinity. With Boise PD as back-up they split up and headed to each of the three possible locations.

At each motel they showed his photo at the front desk. They got a positive ID at the second motel on the list, where Hotch and JJ were.

When they breached the UNSUB’s room they found Veronica Giles restrained and unconscious from the beatings she’d received. They had surprised the UNSUB in the shower, and he offered little resistance.

The team were headed back to their hotel where they would spend one last night before flying back to DC in the morning.

The burden of responsibility had been lifted from their shoulders and they were tired but also relaxed. The case had ended on a high note, Veronica was found alive and would make a full recovery and she had been reunited with her parents.

* * *

 

**Thursday night**

The team went out to dinner together to a fancy restaurant, Rossi’s shout, where nobody noticed, or if they did they didn’t comment, on how much closer Hotch and Emily seemed. They also hadn’t commented on Hotch’s sudden change to calling her by first name, though that could be because they’d had, outside, company – Emily had noticed Rossi do a slight double take when Hotch did so earlier at the precinct when they were talking to the police captain.

Come to think of it, she thought, he’s watching us now. He had also been quick to usher the two of them to seats beside each other, she realised. Making a mental note to warn Hotch later she put it out of her mind.

* * *

 

**Later that same night**

Hotch waited until an hour after they had returned from dinner before leaving his room. Checking that the hallway was empty he quietly passed the rooms of his fellow team members until he got to Emily’s door, where he knocked as quietly as he could so an not to risk one of the others coming to investigate.

Emily opened the door 30 seconds later, pleasantly surprised when she saw him there.

“Hey, you’d better come in before someone sees you and gets the wrong impression,” she said said, pulling him into her room and closing the door. “You should also probably tell me why you aren’t in bed asleep before I get the wrong impression.”

Laughing he pulled her into his arms before replying, “I know I was the one that said nothing personal while we’re away on cases, but I was thinking that if you wanted to maybe we could make an exception seeing as the case is closed. If you agree, then by all means, get the wrong impression about my intentions.”

“I like the sound of that. And you’re right, even though we’re away _on_ a case, we aren’t techinically _working_ a case now, so it isn’t going to distract us,” she agreed, stretching up on tiptoes to kiss him. “We’ll have to be really quiet though, these walls are really thin,” she knew because she’d heard noises she didn’t even want to think about coming from the couple in the room to the left of hers the first night they were there.

“Don’t you mean you’ll have to be quiet?” he asked her, eyebrow raised. “I think I’ll be fine in that department.”

“Hey! That’s not my fault!” she protested.

“No? Who’s is it?” he teased.

“Yours!” she answered.

“How is it my fault?”

“You’re so good at what you do, you make it nearly impossible to be quiet!”

“Ok, sweetheart, it’s all my fault, and because it’s my fault I’ll help you stay quiet,” he promised her.

“How exactly do you plan to do that?” she asked him.

“It will go something like this,” he told her, pulling her with him onto the bed and kissing her senseless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you thought by reviewing/commenting!


	6. Curiosity Killed the Cat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team go home, and interesting revelations are made on the trip

**Friday**

Boarding the jet first Emily headed for the back of the jet and took a seat, JJ taking the one next to her.

“Hey, why aren’t you on your honeymoon right now?” Emily asked her as they waited to take off.

“Will couldn’t get time off on such short notice, and I didn’t want to leave you all down one person,” JJ said. “Two weeks from now the entire team is on stand down for two weeks and Will’s been cleared to have that time off so we’re going then. My mother’s offered to come down and mind Henry.”

Little did JJ know that the team would actually be down two members when she went away, Emily thought.

“That’s nice of her,” Emily said, “and it means you two will have more alone time,” she teased.

“That’s true, but I’m not sure how Henry will hold up without both of us,” she said.

“Time will tell,” Emily replied.

Awhile later JJ excused herself and went to get coffee.

Morgan, taking advantage of JJ’s absence, moved next to Emily.

“Are you still planning on leaving the BAU?” he asked her.

“Yes,” Emily replied softly.

“When?” he asked, carefully schooling his emotions.

“The end of next week,” she replied.

“So soon?” he asked, trying to hide the hurt.

“I gave Hotch my notice after the wedding,” she explained, trying to catch his gaze, but he was avoiding hers.

“When were you going to tell me? When are you going to tell them?” he asked, nodding toward the others.

“I was planning on telling you now, or when we got back to DC. I’ve been building myself up to doing it.”

“Why didn’t you tell us Monday morning?” the way he asked made it sound almost like an accusation.

“We had a job to do, I didn’t want to cause a distraction,” she answered him. In all honesty that was only half the reason, the other was that she hadn’t wanted to be brought down from her high spending the weekend with Aaron. She hadn’t felt like explaining herself and answering questions. Hadn’t felt she could handle facing their hurt, or her own.

“So tell them now. They have a right to know,” he said bluntly.

“I know that,” she said. “I never said they didn’t.” As soon as she said it she regretted how sharp it had sounded.

“Hey, I didn’t mean it as an accusation. I just meant that they’re going to be upset when you tell them, and the longer you wait the more upset they will be,” he backpedalled. “Plus, they’re going to need time to process it – we’re about to lose you, again.”

“This isn’t the same,” she protested. “I won’t be ‘dead’ this time.”

“We’re still losing you, just like we lost Greenaway and Gideon,” he said.

Moving down the aisle, Morgan right behind her, Emily got the attention of everyone else.

“There’s something I need to tell you,” she announced. Hotch, knowing where she was heading and wanting her to know he had her back, moved to stand beside her.

“Before I tell you this, I want to put it out there that this isn’t because of anything any of you have done, and it’s not something I decided impulsively. The truth is that I’ve been thinking about it since I came back,” she told them. Deciding to just get it over with, like ripping off a Band-Aid, she said “I’m leaving the FBI at the end of next week.”

Rossi’s “Where is this coming from?” was rather drowned out by Garcia. That was the last thing he had expected her to reveal. After his observations of her interactions with Hotch on this last case he had half expected the big news to be that they were involved. Especially given the way Hotch was now standing beside her protectively.

“What?!” Garcia exclaimed. “But, Gumdrop, we only just got you back! You can’t leave again!” she exclaimed, then realised that it wasn’t just Hotch standing back like he already knew, Morgan was as well. “Derek Morgan! Did you know about this? Is this what you two were talking about the party?” she asked. “Why didn’t you talk her out of this?!” she accused him.

“Whoa, Baby Girl -,” he tried to calm her down.

“Garcia, he did try to talk me out of it, and so did Hotch,” she told her friend.

“Why?” JJ asked what the four of them were all thinking.

“Ever since the thing with Doyle started, DC hasn’t felt like home. It didn’t matter at first, at least not while I was in Europe, but since I came back I haven’t been able to shake that feeling. It feels like instead of moving on with my life, I’m moving backwards, like I’m trying to step back into my old life. That’s why I bought that house, I thought maybe I just needed a change, but it isn’t enough of one.”

Throughout it all Reid had remained silent. “Are you going to England?” he asked, avoiding her gaze and staring down at the table in front of him.

“I think yes, I will, but not to work for Interpol. I haven’t made a decision about the job offer yet; I want to travel for a while first and see if that helps me work out what where I want to go from here,” she explained.

They had a few more questions for her, which she answered as fully as she could, and then everyone separated (as much as they could in an enclosed space) to process the news.


	7. And Satisfaction Brought It Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hotch has a Plan B

**Friday afternoon**

 Garcia was in her office, snooping the system planning to freeze Emily’s resignation to stop it going through. When she found it, she stopped however, confused by what she found. Checking the specifics she looked for who had filed it: Hotch.

Curious and wanting in on whatever was going on, she left her office, heading into their team’s bullpen.

Going up the stairs she crossed the landing to Hotch’s office, knocking on his door.

When he looked up from the file he was reading he told her to come in.

“Sir, I was just wondering about Emily’s resignation – there seems to have been a glitch in the system as it has gone through as a sabbatical. You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that would you sir?” she asked.

“What was it that had you prowling the system that you found this glitch? You weren’t planning on freezing it again, were you? Because that wouldn’t have been good, especially as sooner or later someone in IT would have caught on and fixed it,” he replied, avoiding his question.

“Of course I wasn’t sir, you know I would never try that again,” she said, crossing her fingers behind her back. Technically she wasn’t lying – yes, she’d planned on doing exactly that, but she hadn’t _actually_ done any such thing. “But really, did you do it? I personally think that the person responsible is a hero to the BAU.”

“Yes, I filed her resignation as a sabbatical request, which I made sure was approved. Emily doesn’t know, so I’ve been intercepting all the paperwork for it. As far as she’s aware, at the end of the week she’ll be done with the FBI. If she hasn’t changed her mind six months from now then I will file her actual resignation, and she’ll be none the wiser. If however, she does change her mind within the next six months, she’ll be able to come back. I’m just giving her that chance,” Hotch explained.

“Sir, you are one sneaky man,” she said. “She is going to be so pissed if she ever finds out.”

“Which is why you are not going to say a word to her, or anyone else,” Hotch warned her, “or I can promise you won’t like the consequences.”

“My lips are sealed,” Garcia promised.

Their conversation was interrupted by a knock on the door followed by Rossi entering. “Farewell dinner, my shout, you both free tomorrow night? Doing it early rather than risk us getting called on a case” he asked them.

“Yeah, that’s fine. As long as it is somewhere that is kid friendly.” Hotch said.

“Don’t worry Jack and Henry will be catered to as well. Garcia?”

“Absolutely! Can’t let Gumdrop go without a proper send-off!”

“Good, that’s five down, one to go. Anyone know where the kid is?” he asked them.

“Coffee run,” was Garcia’s reply.

“Alright, see you tomorrow night, I’ll send everyone the address for the restaurant,” Rossi told them then left.

“If we’re done here, I still have paperwork to finish tonight?” Garcia asked him.

“Yes, that’s fine.” Hotch replied, his attention already turned back to the file on his desk.

* * *

 

As Rossi walked back to his office he reflected on what he’d overheard as he went to Hotch’s office.

Though he wasn’t sure what they’d been discussing, he could make a pretty good guess. Hotch had been swearing Garcia to secrecy about something concerning a ‘her’ and Rossi would bet a year’s salary that it was Emily. There was definitely something going on there, and whatever it was, Garcia was now in on it. He would be in on it too soon, if he had his way.


	8. Jack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pretty obvious, they tell Jack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I’m taking the liberty that Emily and Jack know each other quite well, and that they often see each other behind the scenes of the show.   
> The prompt for this was Bow-Tie, so that is why Hotch is not wearing a normal tie.

**Chapter 8: Telling Jack**

 “Do you want some help there?” Emily asked, having watched her lover struggle with his bow-tie for the last couple of minutes.

“I think I’ve nearly got it,” he replied. Before he’d finished speaking he lost his grip on the fabric and it all came undone.

“Here,” Emily said going over to him, reaching up she straightened out the fabric so she could start over. 30 seconds later and she was slipping the last piece through.

“Hey, uh, where did you get so good at doing this?” Hotch asked her as she did up his bow-tie.

“Mm…my dad taught me. It was about the only good thing that came from all my mother’s embassy parties. It started when I was too young to go, I didn’t like him leaving me behind so it became a bedtime routine, he’d let me do his tie, then he’d tuck me in and read me a story. After my mother started making me go to the parties, the time he and I spent together before hand was the only thing that made them even remotely bearable. It was just us, you know?” Emily replied, distracted, as she straightened it. “There you go,” she told him.

“How do I look?” he asked, debating about a regular tie.

“Very handsome,” she told him, leaning up to kiss him.

 “Then I guess it should stay,” he replied.

 “Yes it should,” she agreed, “because it might get you lucky later.”

“Well, that’s settled,” he laughed. “Are we ready to go?” Hotch asked.

“Almost,” she replied, moving over to the vanity and putting on her earrings.

“All set,” she told him, accepting the hand he held out to her they left his apartment to go and collect Jack form Jessica’s. When they got there they found him completely engrossed in SpongeBob.

“C’mon, bubby,” Hotch called.

“But daddy, this is a good part,” Jack complained.

“You’ve seen it a dozen times before,” Hotch answered. “You can watch the rest of it tonight before bedtime.”

“Ok daddy,” he sighed. “Where are we going?” Jack asked as they went out the door.

“Well, buddy, we’re going out to dinner with the team to say goodbye to Emily,” Hotch said as they walked to the car where Emily was waiting.

Seeing them coming Emily opened her door and climbed out to say hello.

Seeing her Jack exclaimed. “Miss Em’ly! Where are you going?!” Jack exclaimed.

“I’m going to travel for a while,” she replied, kneeling down so she was at the same level as him.

“Like on a holiday?” Jack asked, eyes lit up at the idea.

“Kind of, I suppose,” she replied laughing at the look on his face. “But a long holiday,” she tried to explain, not sure what to tell him.

“How long?” he asked.

“Well, Jack, I’m,” she stopped, unsure she looked at Hotch with a questioning look. He shrugged, leaving it up to her. Taking his hands in hers she hesitantly continued, “I’m planning on moving away sometime soon.”

“Like forever?” he asked, his excitement turning to hurt.

“Yes, Jack,” she replied, her heart wrenching when his eyes filled with tears.

“Does this mean I won’t get to see you anymore?” he wanted to know, the tears now running down his little cheeks, and hers too she was sure.

“I promise I’ll come and visit you, ok?” she said.

“You promise?” he asked.

“Pinkie promise,” she told him, offering her pinkie for him to shake.

He was still crying as he accepted her pinkie promise so Hotch bent down to his son’s height.

“Hey, maybe once Emily has settled somewhere you and I could go and visit her, how does that sound buddy?” Hotch asked.

Turning from his dad he looked at Emily. “Can we visit you?” Jack asked her hopefully.

“Of course you can, you’re my two favourite guys, you can visit whenever you want,” she told him, opening her arms for a hug.

Jack was quick to comply, wrapping his arms around her neck. “When you visit, will you read me bedtime stories?”

“I would love to, sweetie,” she smiled at him as she stood, scooping him up with her.

“Ok, then, as long as daddy and I can still see you, then I guess it’s ok,” he informed her.

Laughing, “Ok, I’m glad we have an understanding,” she responded, kissing his cheek.

Moving forward Hotch opened the back door for Emily to place Jack in his car seat.


	9. Goodbye, For Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I tried for weeks to write the farewell dinner scene, but it just wasn't happening partly I think because I can’t handle writing the “saying goodbye” to her part. Besides this, this story isn’t about her leaving, it’s about her coming back. Therefore I am instead spanning the next week in this one chapter in less detail, and if I ever get the inspiration for the dinner, or any other sections which I skimmed, then I will come back and do them as one-shots.  
> Also keep in mind that to the team she is leaving for good, even though we all know she isn’t.  
> I was kind of confused on the show as to whether she actually bought that new apartment or not – at one point they were teasing her about buyer’s remorse, then later she was discussing it with Morgan as though she hadn’t yet bought it. Therefore, here the apartment she originally lived in was rented, and she bought the new one but had not yet moved into it.

Overall the dinner went well, everyone tried their best to be happy and in the moment. After all she wasn’t leaving yet; they still had a week to say their goodbyes.

The nearing departure still loomed above them however and, especially once a substantial amount of alcohol had been consumed, emotions began to get the better of them. This resulted in the shedding of tears from some, namely Garcia, but everyone was clearly struggling just as much, they just contained it better.

The rest of the week went fast, faster than any of them would have liked. They didn’t get called on any cases, so there was little to distract them all from the time passing.

She spent nearly every night at Hotch’s, they told Jack she was having ‘sleepovers’ with them before she left. Some nights she tucked Jack in, and read him bedtime stories. Other nights Hotch did it, so as to stop Jack getting too used to it coming from her. Stop him getting too attached to her.

The nights she didn’t spend with the two Hotcher’s she spent at her apartment, packing. She had less than a month left on the lease at her current place, which was why she had decided to buy a new place, rather than renew this one.

That being said, she still hadn’t decided on anything permanent so she was using her new property as a storage facility; she was packing everything and having it delivered there indefinitely while only travel necessities went with her.

 

 

It was 9pm and her last night in the States and she was once again ‘sleeping over’ with her two favourite guys. Aaron had let Jack stay up after his bedtime, usually 8.30, for the occasion. Now, watching him tuck Jack in to bed from her position in the doorway, she couldn’t help but admire the side of Aaron that she was seeing, the soft and loving man who very few people ever saw. She felt her heart tug at the idea of leaving them.

“I think I’m falling in love with you, both of you,” Emily told him when he approached her, putting an arm around her waist as they left Jack’s room.

He halfway closed Jack’s door and then led her toward their room. “I think we’re falling in love with you too,” he replied, smiling softly.

“I’m torn, I don’t know how to say goodbye,” she confided.

“The decision is simple, don’t go,” he said, kissing her on the temple.

“I need to go, but the more time I spend with you the more I think that it won’t be permanent, and that I’ll come back here which is why I’m not taking the London offer, and why I’m not looking for any other opportunities. I’m going to go to Italy for a few months and try to work out what I want to do next. I can’t decide anything before I know what that is, I don’t want to make any decisions or commitments, until I know I won’t regret them, like I did buying the apartment. But after that, I think I’ll come back here.”

“I’ll wait for you,” he promised.

“Aaron, I’m not sure that’s a good idea; I don’t know how long I’ll need to sort out my life.”

“It doesn’t matter,” he replied.

“It does, I don’t want to hold back, you need to live your life,” she told him. Seeing he was about to protest she continued before he had the chance. “That being said, if you wanted to try a long distance relationship at least for a while, to see how that goes, I wouldn’t be totally averse to the idea,” she said, leaving the decision up to him.

“Then that’s what we’ll do,” he said as they enetered the bedroom. As they did he made sure to lock the door, in case Jack woke up and caught them in a compromising position. “Besides, there have only been two women who I have ever loved, so I’m not about to let you go without a fight, not permanently,” he told her honestly, pulling her towards the bed and removing her clothes as he went.

They took full advantage of their last night together, with neither of them getting much sleep. This didn’t bother them though, she could sleep as much as she wanted on the plane, and it was only Saturday so he had all day Sunday to recover, although he would have Jack to keep up with.

When the time came for her to leave emotions were running high. The whole team came to the airport to see her off. She had decided to go to Italy in order to visit her mother, and planned on spending as much time there as was required to either fix their relationship, or for her to want to get as far away from her as possible, depending on how things went.

At the airport, final hugs were given and goodbyes said.

It had been particularly hard to say goodbye to Jack and Aaron, so hard that she had nearly changed her mind then and there and said she wanted to stay. Reason won out, however, as she knew that she was no good to anyone in her current state of mind, and she needed to get past that before she could commit to them.

She had reached an understanding of sorts with Aaron, he said that he would wait for her to be ready and that she could come back to him whenever she wanted and that he loved her. When he said this she had burst into tears all over him, and told him that she loved him to, but she wasn’t in the right place for a relationship.

They had then proceeded to once again show each other just how much they loved each other.

Once she had boarded, and the plane was in the air she watched out the window as the airport grew smaller, and she promised herself that she would return one day in the, hopefully near, future.


	10. Just a Flu, Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven’t decided where I am going with her father, so for now I am assuming that he is away, for whatever reason. If anyone has anything they would like to happen regarding him I am open to suggestions! E.g. career, personality, relationship with Emily/Elizabeth etc…

When Emily informed her mother of her intentions to come visit her in Italy, her mother insisted she stay with her. Figuring this would earn her brownie points and make it ever so slightly easier to mend bridges, Emily accepted the offer.

It took longer than she expected after she arrived in Italy, her mother’s current assignment, for the jetlag to wear off.

She’d been there for one week when she began to feel queasy and suffered recurring dizzy spells. She passed it off as some sort of flu. By week’s end this had progressed to all out vomiting, which not only resulted in stomach cramps but also left her feeling exhausted, the latter lasting the rest of the day.

When the symptoms didn’t subside she began to question her diagnosis of a flu. Her mother also noticed one morning at breakfast. The morning in question they had been having eggs benedict which had at first been fine, until after a few bites what had previously looked, and smelled, so appetising, all of a sudden had her stomach churning.

She’d immediately stopped eating and tried to control her nausea, at the same time trying to continue with their discussion normally lest her mother notice. The first few minutes were the hardest, when the smells around her where overwhelmingly strong. After a while, however, she began to adjust and was lulled into a false sense of security, thinking that the worst of the nausea had passed. She soon realised her mistake however when the housekeeper brought in a fresh pot of coffee, which brought the nausea back stronger than ever. Once again she tried to control the feeling but it got so bad she had to hold her breath as the housekeeper brought the pot past her, causing her to catch a particularly strong whiff. Her fight proved futile however, and soon her body’s demands won out over will power. When it did she bolted from her chair, running for the bathroom.

She made it just in time, bending over the toilet as what little breakfast she had eaten came back up. At the last second she remembered to pull her hair back out of the way. To her chagrin the nausea did not let up after this, but stuck around for the rest of the day, and many days after which left her feeling miserable.

To top it off, she got her period during this time which only made it worse.

This continued, and her illness prevented her doing much, and meant she did not leave the house. Her nausea left her uncomfortable being in public, especially around food, for fear of getting sick which meant she did not go to any fancy restaurants when her mother did.

It wasn’t until a week or so later that her somewhat foggy mind realised that something wasn’t right. She was sitting on the bathroom floor, leaning against the bath after having gotten sick again when the she noticed. She’d had her period the week before, and yet when she looked at the supply she had she suddenly realised that it was nowhere near as depleted as it should have been, if she had indeed just had her period. With this realization she tried to recall it, and found herself questioning whether it had been her period; now that she thought about it, it had been not a lot shorter, and more intermittent than what was normal for her. When she checked her phone she saw that it also been about a week to early, and that she hadn’t been due to start until the day before.

Her mind flashed to the possibility she was pregnant. Just as quickly she started to dismiss the idea; she and Aaron had been careful. Or, she thought that they had. But when she thought again about the mistaken/late period, and then added her symptoms from the last three weeks she couldn’t think of any other possible explanations.

Now that the thought was in her head she needed to know so dressed haphazardly putting in just enough effort to be publically decent. Satisfied, she went to the nearest drug store to get a test.


	11. Life Changing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter refers to abortion, so be warned. I am not trying to offend anyone, this is just how I see Emily, and how I imagine she would feel about her past.

Emily stared down at the stick in her hands in shock.

How could this be happening? Again?

It was always Italy, she thought, flashing back to when she was fifteen and facing the same thing, staring at the same result.

Positive.

At first she hoped that maybe, just maybe, her Italian was getting rusty and she was misreading the box. But the pink plus sign left little doubt in her mind.

She knew that the tests could be falsely positive, but when combined with her recent symptoms, the evidence was rather compelling.

She was pregnant.

And with Aaron Hotchner’s child no less.

Fear overpowered everything else she might have been feeling, and left her sitting frozen on the bathroom floor trying to comprehend this new development. She was once again queasy but at the same time knew that there was nothing left to come up.

How could this happen? How could she have been so reckless to let this happen again? They had been careful, had used protection, and yet…

She had sworn to herself when she was fifteen that she would never again end up in this position.

It must have been a fluke – a one-in-a-million, where the condom had failed. Normally she would have been on the pill, but at the time she hadn’t expected to be in any sort of relationship, however brief, and so she hadn’t been very strict about it. The more she thought about it however, the more convinced she became that it probably wasn’t a condom which failed, but more likely the lack thereof. They must have not been protected at some point; they must have been so caught up in the moment that they forgot to use protection. Perhaps it was that first night, and they had been too distracted and when combined with the alcohol in their systems, they didn’t think about it. It could also be that the condom broke.

There were too many possibilities, and there was no way to know. With this thought she snapped herself back to reality. It didn’t matter how it had happened, the point was that it had, and now there was a baby to think about.

The realisation that she was now responsible for a life that was growing inside of her, she remembered the last time. How she had been so overwhelmed, how she had felt so alone, especially after John’s reaction, how Matthew had been the person who pulled her through. But he wasn’t here for her to turn to now, and she wasn’t fifteen anymore.

She was keeping this baby.

Back then she hadn’t planned on it, hadn’t been ready for it, and had no way of supporting and raising a baby. Now, although it still hadn’t been planned, and she still wasn’t ready, the difference, she thought, was that she could do it. She was physically, emotionally and financially more stable. That being the case, there was no way she would make the same decision as last time. It’s not that she regretted what she had done per ce; at the time it had felt like her only option. But that didn’t stop the ‘what ifs’ that had plagued her ever since that day. What if she had just told her parents? What if she had gone through with the pregnancy? Kept the baby? Or given it up for adoption?

She had spent her entire life pondering these questions, wondering whether it had been a boy or a girl, what they would have been like; looked like. The question that she tried not to think about, but which always wormed it’s way out of its box in the back of her mind, was ‘Had she made a mistake?’

She wouldn’t terminate another child. She couldn’t.

She would return to the US to tell Aaron; anything less than in person didn’t seem right, but she would get confirmation from a doctor here first, just to be sure.


	12. It's An Intervention

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Just a heads up, this chapter will be quite angst-ridden, also I have changed what happened on the show – I love Reid too much to do that to him, at least this way he can still have hope.

 

By random coincidence, Emily was just leaving the doctor's office when the call came in.

Emily had set up the appointment straight away after she took the test.

The doctor had confirmed the pregnancy for her, and took blood to be tested, the results of which she had arranged to get by phone when they came in, rather than in person, as she expected to be back in the US. She'd been instructed to make a follow up appointment with her doctor once she got there.

It was just as she walked out the doors that her phone started ringing. Digging in her bag as she crossed the car park to her car, she pulled it out, checking the caller ID as she did. JJ.

"Hey, Jayje, what's up?"

"Emily, you need to come back," JJ said. Emily could hear the desperation in her voice.

"What's wrong?"

"It's bad, Em. There was a case, it was personal for Reid and it ended badly; really badly. He won't come out of his apartment, he won't talk to anyone; I'm scared he'll relapse if we don't find a way to help him, and soon. We don't know what else to do, we're hoping you can find a way to get through to him."

She didn't have to say it, Emily knew what she meant. Dilaudid.

"I'm on my way. You can explain it to me once I'm on the plane."

* * *

Approaching his door, she saw the many baskets she'd been told Garcia had brought over. Carefully manoeuvring around them, she knocked on his door. Knowing this hadn't worked for anyone else she knew that it would take more to get him to open the door.

"Spence?" she called out through the wood. When she didn't receive an answer she continued. "I know you're in their Spencer. I just want to see how you're doing. Will you let me in?"

"Emily?" she heard him ask from inside.

"Yes, it's me, now will you open the door and talk to me, or did I come all this way for nothing?" she teased gently.

Nothing happened, and just as she thought that this discussion would have to happen with the door between them, it suddenly swung open. Reid stood in front of her, wearing pyjamas with at least a week's worth of stubble and bags under his eyes.

"What are you doing here?" he asked her, eyes dull and tired.

"I heard from some mutual friends of ours that you've had a rough time lately. I came to see how you were doing."

"The team called you," he guessed.

"They did. They said you aren't answering your phone, or your door. They're worried about you," she explained.

He stepped back, opening the door wider as he did, which she took as an invitation to come in. Stepping inside it took a few moments for her eyes to adjust to the relative darkness. All the curtains were closed, blocking out the sun. When they did adjust, what she saw alarmed her. Furniture was upended, photo frames thrown, broken glass on the floor, along with a broken lamp. The bookshelves lining the walls were almost empty and everywhere she looked books had been pulled onto the floor haphazardly.

She turned when she heard the door close and saw Spence sliding down a wall to sit on the floor. Moving over to him, she knelt in front of him and pulled him into a hug. For about a minute, he just continued to sit as though frozen. Then slowly his arms moved up and he hugged her back, burying his face in her shoulder.

"I missed you," he whispered, his words somewhat muffled.

His words tugged on her heart, and she squeezed him tighter. "I missed you, too," she told him.

They continued to sit like that for quite a while, and she didn't push him.

When he pulled back slightly she moved to sit beside him and took that as a sign he was ready to talk.

"Do you want to tell me what's going on?" she asked him.

"Didn't the others already tell you?" he asked, dodging the question.

"They told me some, but I want to hear the full story from you," she replied, nudging his shoulder softly.

And so he told her. Told her how, after his doctors hadn't found the cause of his migraines, he'd sought out a renowned geneticist. How they'd communicated through email, then progressed to letters, then to phone calls. How they had fallen in love despite having never met, and not even knowing what the other looked like. How she was in hiding, hiding from a stalker, and because of this she was afraid not only for her own safety but for his as well.

He told her how the stalker's advances had stopped and he'd dropped off the face of the earth. How they had arranged to meet for the first time but then their plans had been put on hold suddenly.

How one day, she didn't return his call. Someone else did. Someone who knew the specifics of their correspondence. Her stalker.

How he'd gone to the team, and begged them to help him find her.

How they'd discovered first her identity, then the identity of her stalker; that it was actually a woman. How they'd found her, and he'd tried to trade himself, to take her place. How he'd tried to convince her stalker that he loved her instead. How she had believed him, until she kissed him, and something in his kiss revealed the truth: that he loved Maeve and he was bluffing to save her.

He told her how, after he said he would kill himself for Maeve, her stalker took her gun to her own head and pulled the trigger, shooting herself and Maeve at the same time. He told her that Maeve had still been alive when he reached her, and he'd held her hand and begged her not to die.

He told her how the paramedics had been shocked she was alive, and warned him that her prognosis wasn't good before they rushed her to hospital. After the ambulance had left, sirens blaring, he had gone back to his apartment and hadn't left since. He told her that he'd learned that once she got to the hospital she'd been rushed straight into surgery, but the doctors, like the paramedics, didn't expect she would survive, that it was a miracle she was even alive after being shot in the head.

But she had survived the surgery, despite the odds, and was for the most part stable, still in intensive care, thought she hadn't regained consciousness.

"What did the doctors say after the surgery?" Emily asked him.

"The bullet was a through and through, and that due to the size and angle of it, it hadn't caused any major damage to her brain, that she was incredibly lucky…" he trailed off.

"But…?" she asked, sensing there was more to it than that.

"But she's in a coma. They've been running tests for the last two weeks, measuring her brain activity and although there is still activity, it is steadily dropping," he said, his voice breaking at the end. "They said it's incredibly unlikely that she will ever wake up, and that the longer she remains in a coma, and the more her brain activity drops, the less likely it becomes." When he finished speaking his eyes were burning with tears. He didn't know how he was still capable of tears, with how much he'd cried in the last two weeks.

"Spence, I'm so sorry," Emily told him, wrapping her arms around him again as the tears she could see forming started falling.

"I keep running different scenarios in my head," he told her, his face once again buried against her shoulder as sobs wracked his body. "Trying to work out what I could've done, should've done, to make things turn out differently. What if we'd been more careful? What if we'd never arranged to meet? What if I'd noticed as soon as she called me 'doctor'? What if I'd been a better kisser?" He knew he was probably making her shirt wet with his tears, but he couldn't stop.

"Stop. Thinking like that won't change anything, you're only torturing yourself, wondering what if," she told him, thinking back on her own experience of 'what ifs' recently. "What happened is not your fault, and you are in no way responsible, do you understand?"

When he didn't respond, she tried again, "Do you understand?" she asked, putting her hand under his chin and tilting his head up, not relenting until he looked her in the eyes.

"But –," he started to protest.

"No buts," she informed him in a tone that left no room for argument. "There is nothing that you could have done to prevent this, and you are not responsible for anything that happened."

"I know," he said softly, "I just can't stop doubting myself."

"I know," she replied. "Which is why I, along with everyone else, am going to continuously remind you," she informed him.

At her response he couldn't help but smile slightly despite the still steady flow of tears.

She continued to hold him like that, letting him cry.

Sometime later his body stopped shaking, and the tears dried up.

"Have you gone to see her?" Emily asked him when he sat back up.

"No. I can't bring myself to go."

"Why is that?" she asked him gently.

"I'm scared. Scared to see her like that. Scared that it will force me to accept that she is gone, and that she won't come back. I'm scared that I'm not strong enough to face that."

"Yes, you are. You're a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for and you will get through this. We're all here for you, we'll help you in any way we can, just name it," she promised. "Now, enough of this. You've been couped up in here for more than two weeks and it's time you went outside," she told him, standing up and holding out her hand for him to do the same.

"I don't feel like it," he told her, ignoring her outstretched hand.

"I know, but shutting yourself off like this isn't healthy for you," when he still didn't take her hand or show any signs of moving. "I don't care if we just walk up the block and back, at least that's a start, but you are going to leave this apartment. Trust me Spence, the fresh air will do you good."

"I do trust you," he said, but he still didn't move.

"Spence, unless you want me going through your underwear while I find you a change of clothes, you are going to get up, shower and get dressed. If I have to I will call in reinforcements," she threatened, only half serious.

"Ok," he said, giving in and taking her hand.

As he started to walk into the bedroom she put her arm out to stop him. "Don't try to shave Spence," she told him, she didn't want him handling any sharp or pointy objects in this state of mind. When he nodded in agreement she let him pass.

Once the door closed behind him she moved over to the window and opened the curtains, letting sunlight in for the first time in what she suspected was quite a while. Turning back she surveyed the room and, being careful to avoid the broken glass lest risk making it worse, she started to right the upturned furniture. Next she moved onto his books, carefully shaking off glass where necessary she began putting them back on shelves. Not knowing how he liked them arranged she didn't put them in any sort of order, figuring he could sort them when he felt up to it. After all the books were back on their shelves she found a broom and dustpan and swept up all the broken glass.

Once that was done she moved onto his refrigerator. The smell of spoilt perishables wafted out when she opened the door, and suddenly it was all she could do to keep her breakfast down. The smell, though not overwhelming, when combined with her overactive sense of smell and sensitive stomach was enough to trigger her morning sickness. Will power prevailed however, and her breakfast remained where it was as she threw out the out-of-date items. As she did she made a mental note to ask someone on the team to go shopping for groceries for him when she noticed how little was left in the way of food. Taking note of the things she was throwing out she sent a txt to Garcia to which she received a response that it would be taken care of.

When Reid returned from his shower he found his apartment a much brighter, cleaner, and happier place. Emily had been right, the shower had left him feeling clean and refreshed and combined with the new atmosphere had him feeling a lot better than he had in two weeks.

"Are you ready?" Emily asked him.

"I suppose so. Where are we going?" he asked her.

"That's up to you," she answered. "We can go for a walk, or go to a park…"

"Can we go for a walk, and just see where we end up?" he asked her.

"Of course. We can do whatever you want," she assured him. Seeing his internal struggle she waited where she was for him to be ready.

A minute or so later he took a deep breath and opened the front door, stepping out. She followed, closing the door behind her.

When they got to the street they started walking, neither of them talking. The silence wasn't awkward or strained; it was comfortable and Emily knew it was what he needed, so she left him to it, she was just happy he was out of his apartment.

When they had gone five blocks, Reid suddenly spoke, breaking the silence for the first time.

"Emily?" he asked quietly, unsure how to ask.

"Yes?"

"Will you go with me? To visit her, I mean?" he asked.

"Of course, if that's what you want," she replied. "When did you want to go?"

"Now?" he asked.

"Sure," she replied, smiling softly at the amount of progress he'd made.

* * *

 


End file.
